Tuesday, February 26, 2008

The prophecy.

I cannot lie. No, seriously, my life’s biggest problem has always been that, I cannot lie. I could fake a lie. I could look at a red pen and say it’s blue and so on. But given the situations where I needed a sturdy, honest-to-goodness lie, I just couldn’t. One wimpy little real lie and my mouth refused to operate. And you can imagine why I am still single at 29. My mom, who is a suave liar, cannot accept these basic facts of life. She thinks I am probably the only Indian girl who is yet to be married and inching towards her thirties.

“Radhika! Are you really my daughter?! That mouth of yours is a curse, Radhika! We must pray and fight the evil eyes that has resulted in a mouth like yours that cannot be controlled!”

~*~*~


My fifteenth birthday started off pretty normal. My dad called a few of my friends home, bought a cake; mom made pakoras and tea for everyone and then my friends and I planned to go to the beach to hang out for a few hours, of course with my parents. I cut the cake and stuffed some into everyone's mouth. I was thrilled with the novels my dad had purchased for me. My mom gave me a new half sari and blouse; the skirt had a bright yellow pattern with pink flowers all over it and I quite didn't like it but took it all the same. I didn't want to make my mom feel bad on my birthday. So, anyway, we headed off to the beach around 5.30, the sun was setting and the weather was perfect. My friends and I ate sundal and giggled and discussed whatever it is that fifteen year olds discussed. My mom and dad stopped by at an ice cream parlour and were soon deep in conversation. As we wandered farther, an old lady who looked like a gypsy woman came rushing towards us, from nowhere, it seemed. As soon as she came near, I could have sworn the beach turned darker, as if the sun decided to set at that very instant. She stopped right in front of us, finished chewing her pan at leisure and addressed me. I was a bit intimidated by her long ear lobes that were pulled down by the weight of her heavy gold? earrings; they made quite an impact along with her garish clothes and the strings of beads that hung from her neck.

"Come here little one, it's a special day for you, isn't it?", she asked me in Tamil. She smiled to reveal stained and uneven teeth.

I stared back at her open-mouthed. How did she know? My friends meanwhile, giggled and said yes, in chorus.

She held my arm and pulled me towards her. "Show me your palm, let me unlock the mysteries of your life for you, dear one!" I shrank back. I didn't want this strange woman with long earlobes unlocking the mysteries of my life. I glanced back to see that my parents were still at the parlour and did not even notice the old woman's presence.

"Do not fear, little one. Come here", saying that she produced a small earthen pot, again out of thin air, held it close to her heart and mumbled a prayer. She put her fingers in the pot and took out what looked like gooey black paste to me and proceeded to spread it on my palm. I was too shocked to object. My friends watched silently. Suddenly the giggles had died down.

"She stared at my palm for what seemed like an eternity and said, "Oh, they don't look good...oh no, no..."

"What? What doesn't look good? Tell me...", I whispered urgently. I was going to die today. Or worse get a horrible disease or maybe I would kill someone! Oh no, how could this be happening to me?!

"You will lose the love of your dreams because of..." I held my breath and for a moment, could only hear her words echoing in my head. Everything else around had become still.

"Your mouth! Your talk will drive him away! Oh, what a loss...what a loss!" she seemed ready to cry. The whole situation made me suddenly mad.

"You lie, you old woman!", I screamed at her. I was not going to let some gypsy woman snatch my dream prince away from me. "You lie and all you want is money. Get lost and take that wicked mouth with you. You are full of lies", I was crying now and shouting. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw my parents running towards us.

The old woman let go of my hand. Her eyes turned red and she stared at me until I looked away and she whispered, "Lie? You say I lie? You foolish little girl, you will realize soon your mistake..." and the next thing I knew, I was on the sand, my head on my mom's lap, all my friends standing around in a circle, looking concerned.

I believe that was the day, I lost my ability to lie. My parents and friends refused to talk about that day. Damn that old woman and her black gooey paste! I hate her. And the really bad deal out of this whole business was that there was no magic cure...no price charming to kiss me and make it all better. I was doomed. 29, unmarried and doomed to speak the truth the rest of my life.

~*~*~


How does this tie in to my being single, you ask? Well, let me just say that men can't handle honesty all that graciously. Let me rewind a little bit here. I was a pretty woman who had just turned 21 - at least my eyebrows didn't resemble overgrown bushes anymore and I had managed to attain the curves that would classify me as being feminine in spite of my somewhat casual and loose-fitting clothes - the right age for any self-respecting Indian woman to be married, my mother claimed. Actually, several events occurred in my life when I turned 21. My parents started looking for a suitable boy for me the day I turned 21. I realized that my dreams of marrying a smart, good-looking boy and settling down to leisurely afternoons of high tea with the other married women in my society were not as easily attainable as I had assumed. I hadn't exactly met my soul mate or anything remotely like that. So, I decided that I would trust my parents and let them pick my husband for me. I also met my best friend that year, Vignesh, who graduated from my Arts college the same year as me. How we met is a funny story. I was walking home from college with Lalitha, my other close friend, who had this crush forever on Viggy.

"Hey Radhika, there he is, don't look now! Behind us, he is walking towards us...", she pulled me towards her and started whispering rapid-fire instructions to me, "Act like you are telling me a joke...", "Don't over do it...I will throw my head back, delicately and laugh...got it? Simple enough. Now go!"

"Umm, Lalitha..I can't think of any impromptu jokes..."

At this, she held her hand delicately over her mouth, tilted her head back a little and laughed an extremely artificial laugh. And as I stood uncomfortably wondering how to laugh naturally with her, Viggy joined us.

"Hey Lallu, what's so funny?"

At this, Lalitha's eyes grew bigger - someone told her she had pretty eyes and she made it a point to make them look nice and big whenever Viggy was around - she sort of fluttered her eye lashes and said, "Oh Viggy, hi, didn't quite notice you. Radhika here was telling me a funny incident...weren't you Radhika?"

I cleared my throat and nodded. "Yes. Quite funny." And then I waited for my usual jumble of embarrassing observations to pour out of my mouth. It always happened within a few minutes of meeting someone new.

Nothing.

I returned Vignesh's pleasant smile, noted that he got an almost imperceptible dimple on his right cheek when he smiled; I took in his sunkissed brown eyes and the slightly dated Dev-Anand lock-falling-over-forehead hair style...and all the while, I remained silent! My confused cacophony of thoughts seemed to have subsided to soothing whispers. Nice. Lalitha has good taste!

And then Lalitha suddenly giggled loudly breaking into my reverie and I said, "Lalitha thinks you are one hot guy, Vignesh!"

Lalitha looked like she was going to cry. Her eyes had reduced to their normal size. Viggy for his part, just stared at me.

Anyway, that happened eight years back. Since then, Lalitha, Viggy and I have laughed over this incident a hundred times. Lalitha, I suspect, never quite grew out of her crush, but she seemed to have settled down to a lazy friendship with him. "Sometimes, you can't fight fate. Perhaps, we were not meant to be together. You know? Maybe he would have died the night of our marriage, like those grotesque old Tamil movies. Or maybe I would have divorced him. You know?"

That's what I liked about Lalitha. Life's little tricks never got her down. She always had a positive explanation for whatever happened in life.

So anyway, a few months before my 22nd birthday, my mom and dad announced at breakfast that a boy would be coming to see me that evening. "His name is Sanjay, we have made enquiries into the family, they are very nice people..." my dad continued listing a bunch of uninteresting details. I felt a little shiver of excitement rush through my spine. I was going to prove that gypsy woman wrong! I was going to meet my prince today! I wish I could see his picture, would he look better than Viggy? Not that it mattered. Just then dad extended a photo towards me.

And that moment, I fell in love. Sanjay was an absolute dream boat. Lush wavy hair, smiling eyes, a good build. I could see it already, Sanjay and I holding hands as we walked lazily along the beach, a smiling Sanjay serving me breakfast in bed. Nandita, Karthik, Sanjay and I planning our first trip to Disneyland! Nandita and Karthik are my little ones. I decided on their names on my 16th birthday. Lalitha knows she will have two daughters - Ramya and Divya. Viggy thinks we are a bit crazy that way but hey, which girl doesn't decide on her kids' names before hand? My dad always said I needed to be planned. He was talking about my career at that point but same difference. Anyway, I almost couldn't wait till evening to meet Sanjay.

"What if he has buck teeth?"

"Viggy, my Sanjay will have the perfect white teeth. Not uneven and crooked like yours!"

We were walking out from College that day and Viggy and Lalitha annoyingly did not seem to share my enthusiasm.

"But Radhika, what if he is really short? Like 3.5 feet tall? What if he had a girl friend before? What..."

"Lallu, stop it! Remember, you told me, everything happens for a reason? Sanjay and I are meant for each other...just wait and see..."

That evening, I dressed in my favorite color. Pink. A pink silk saree with a cream border that had little mango patterns stitched into it. I wore my mother's gold jewellery, taking care not to overdo it.

When the door bell rang, I had to hold myself from taking a quick look outside. I could hear mom and dad from inside the bedroom, "Come, come sit down. Radhika just came back from college..."

I could hear Sanjay's mom and dad and probably his sister but couldn't make out his voice. And then dad called me outside. I pretended to be shy, studying my nicely painted toe nails as I walked outside. And then ever-so-slowly looked up.

Oh thank God. He was not a midget. I had an urge to call Viggy and tell him that. And that he looked smart in a navy blue shirt and khakhi pants. Hey gorgeous!

Sanjay's eyes lit up when he saw me. The pink saree must have worked its charm. I couldn't focus on any of the conversation that floated around me. Soon, my mom looked meaningfully at me and said, "Maybe we give the kids some time alone?" and within a few seconds they were all out in the porch discussing in extra-loud voices about how pretty our porch was.

Sanjay just smiled as if to say, you go first.

"Umm, you have a charming smile, Sanjay." I didn't mean to say that but what the hell, it was an honest compliment.

"Radhika...."

I sat straighter. It seemed like my mother had called me in a strange voice.

"Radhika...I really like you...", he was saying. He was talking! He was saying these really nice things about me just like I imagined he would say to me. But he was talking in a she's voice! Let this all be a bad dream, please. I prayed. But Sanjay continued talking in his he-she voice. And suddenly I was saying, "Sanjay, I thought we would be soul-mates but am afraid I don't feel that way anymore. A deep, full-throated voice has always been my weak point. And I really can't keep you happy if I keep wondering if that's your voice or your mother's!"

There. I was officially a witch. A cruel, cruel woman who had no heart. I immediately said, "I am so sorry Sanjay. I didn't really mean that, I..." but the damage was done. The cursed mouth had spoken. And I would soon realize that that was just the first of many such meetings to find a suitable boy for me.

The first time was the worst. I cried for a week at my broken dreams and the silly predictions that came true. My mom and dad took this as a sign to look for the next boy as soon as possible, if nothing at least to distract me.

"What's the big rush to get you married, anyway?" Viggy and I were at Cafe Coffee day where I was sharing my latest fiasco with him. I had been fired from my job as a kindergarten teacher. One of the moms did not approve of my advice that she learn to care for her kid as a good mother should and focus less on tea parties and shopping sprees. I suspect she lost her head more so because she knew I was saying the truth. Meanwhile my parents had widened their nets, they were now looking for grooms also settled abroad. The next week, I was to meet a Rahul, who had finished his Masters in Computer Science and was now working at a "top" IT firm in Seattle.

"I don't know. I guess I am ready to be married...this guy sounds nice, we exchanged a couple of emails and I am getting good vibes from him...although he doesn't say much in his emails..."

"I don't know Radhika. You are just 23, take time to indulge in your passions, travel, have fun...there's always time to settle down..."

Viggy seemed to searching for something in my eyes and I opened my mouth to inform him that I was done indulging for the past 23 years, I was ready for my knight in shining armour. But strangely, no words escaped my mouth. For once, I felt it was ok to be silent. It was as if the powers were telling me that it was ok for me to just listen and be comfortable in the silence. And so, I did that.

"I mean, you used to love dancing...what happened now? You aren't even going regularly to your classes. Don't you want to study more? Do something interesting and satisfying everyday? What do you really want to do, Radhika?"

"Well, just because you are smart and studying for your MBA doesn't mean that I should study too. Maybe this is what I was destined to do. To marry and be a good house wife, to keep my husband happy..."

"You will, trust me," he placed a hand lightly on my shoulder and I had that strange need to remain silent again, "You will be a really good wife, but all am saying is, experiment a bit, live a bit, just don't...resign to fate, ok? You deserve much better..."

Viggy was the best. He really gave me the best advice at times. So, I smiled and ruffled his hair because he hated that and then told him that coffee was on me. He was such a darling really.

~*~*~


Rahul was a sight for sore eyes! He was tall, bespectacled, extremely good looking and the best thing was, he spoke in that deep-throated voice that made me absolutely melt each time he said my name. Well, he hadn't exactly said my name but I could imagine how it would sound. The initial meeting went without a glitch. His mom and dad seemed to really like me and my parents couldn't stop talking about Rahul. The next evening when Rahul called, mom was more excited than me, she quickly smeared red kumkum on my forehead and chanted a quick prayer before she let me talk to him.

"Hey Radhika, just thought I'd call and tell you that my parents would like to go ahead with the wedding arrangements and we can all go ahead with this process that is if you feel the same way?"

I was a bit disappointed. I mean, I didn't expect him to romance me with roses or anything, but just a "I missed you so much the past 24 hours" would have done. Oh, what the hell! Maybe he is reserving the best for after-marriage! I was finally getting married! To a really handsome chap, perhaps one day I would take him to that beach and find that old gypsy woman and tell her how wrong she was!

That night, I had a long telephone conversation with Lallu.

"Ooh, he sounds fabulous, Radhika! Now, am jealous!"

That made me feel so much better. I have the best friends there ever were!

"But you know what? His mom called me later today and asked if I could meet Rahul for dinner tomorrow night at the Taj...I mean why couldn't he invite me personally? You don't think he is going to be one of those mama boys, do you?" I asked, a sudden concern creeping into my otherwise pleasant thoughts. I hadn't considered this angle.

"Oh, you worry too much Radhika. Go out with him tomorrow, have a blast! Am sure he's not the mama's boy type of guy! They typically have oily hair patted down on their heads and thick, unattractive glasses! Nope, you got the right guy, girl!"

Yes, that made sense. He certainly had on a pair of designer glasses of some sort. I slept like a baby that night and woke up excited to meet Rahul that night. As my mom fed me hot, fluffy idlis that morning, I noticed that my dad seemed distracted. He was on and off the phone whole morning and didn't eat more than 2 idlis, he loved idlis. Mom couldn't stop talking, as usual.

"Remember Radhika. Don't talk too much. If you have an urge to blabber, just eat anything on your plate. Listen. A good wife always listens..."

I was confident I could pull it off. That evening, I decided to dress Western, after all he was from the United States. A short white kurti top and a long flowing skirt that looked quite flattering on me. I wore long earrings that glinted a bit as I turned my head left and right.

"Are you sure you want to dress like this? What if he thinks you are too outgoing?", mom asked worriedly.

"Mom, he has lived in America for several years now, he won't like a village bride now, will he?"

Dad had gone out that evening, on business, he had said mysteriously. But, I didn't have time to mull over that or the fact that Viggy hadn't even had the decency to ask me how I was feeling before my big date! Such a brat!

Rahul looked dashing in casuals. I seemed a bit overdressed compared to his half-sleeved polo tshirt and slacks. He drove to the Taj and I faithfully followed mom's orders. Remain silent. It seemed he was doing the same.

We had good seats reserved, a quiet booth away from the crowd.

"Nice booth...", I said not having thought of anything brighter to say. I was beginning to panic that he wouldn't speak the whole day and then would probably reject me for being so boring!

"Mom reserved the booth", he said matter-of-factly.

"Oh..."

"Ready to eat?"

He ordered wine, an appetizer I did not recognize and pasta for his main course.

"Umm, do you have idlis or uthapam?"

Mom had asked me to eat, like a lady and to eat something non-greasy so I won't have un-lady-like symptoms during the dinner. They had idlis. Whew!

Rahul didn't talk much during dinner. Maybe he was the shy, mysterious kind. So, I took this as a cue to talk to draw him out with my charming words. I could do that and so I talked about my jobs, my dancing, my friends...

"Viggy is so funny, he sometimes says the most random things, you should really meet him and Lallu, I mean Lalitha..."

Rahul just nodded, his eyes wearing a glazed expression after several glasses of wine. He hadn't touched his pasta.

"So, ready to head home?", Rahul signaled the waiter.

"Umm ok..."

What was going on? He hadn't said a word the whole time! How will I get to know my mysterious husband if he just won't talk? My mouth tired of speaking trivial details the whole evening was resisting the temptation to blurt out what it really wanted to. I quickly scanned the table for something to eat. But the waiter had cleaned our plates just then. And so, I ended up saying,

"Gosh! Do you have a problem? Cat got your tongue? Just spill it out man. Talk! You've been a dull dull date so far!"

Yup. That's what I said. It didn't matter though. Because after that, my date was anything but dull.

Her name was Lily, Lily Chang. He had been seeing her for three years now and yes, was still in love with her. She had meanwhile moved on, found another boy friend and my dear Rahul was still trying to woo her back. Meanwhile his mom and dad decided a nice Indian girl would solve all his problems. That nice girl being me. I asked him to drop me off a few minutes from home, so I can clear my head and fix my face before I went home.

As soon as his car left - he hadn't even apologized - tears poured down my cheeks. I sat down on a rickety wooden bench beneath a flickering street light and cried my heart out. Just then, my cell phone rang and I have never been happier to hear Viggy's woozy voice.

"Hey Radhika...achhooo...just wanted to ask you how your date was? Achhoo!"

Oh, the poor dear, must have a terrible cold.

"Viggy...", I sniffled into the phone, "My date was a disaster! He has another Chinese girl-friend, his parents were forcing him to see me!"

I could hear him snicker noisily on the phone. How dare he!

"Ok, so where are you now?"

"Sitting on a bench a few minutes from home. My dress looks crumpled and my high heels hurt...", I started crying again.

"I'm coming, stay put girl."

I wanted to ask him not to come but I really needed to see him now. He would know what went wrong and how to fix it.

He was there in a flash, with "buddy", his motorbike and best friend, after me, that is.

He took off his helmet and his red nose made me giggle. But, I stopped immediately because I noticed he was laughing too!

"Lily Chang, huh? You stood no chance, Radhika!"

My lower lip began to quiver again and before I could cry again, he gave me a quick hug, "You look and are adorable. Rahul is a dumb ass, ok? Trust me."

I felt better already. "You know, he had a funny sort of nose, anyway. Didn't like him quite that much!"

"Way to go! You rock, Radhika, marry me instead!"

I laughed. Viggy knew just what to say to cheer me up! I felt all warm from inside and silently sat behind him on the bike. It was so good to be silent and comfortably so.

When we reached home, dad was standing outside on the porch, looking at his watch. When he saw Viggy and me, he seemed relieved, "Oh good, Radhika you are back! Come Vignesh, come inside!"

Viggy was like a son to dad and mom. My mom said she sometimes wished I had a brother like him. Whatever!

Inside, dad had a story of his own to share even before I could launch into mine. He had asked around for information about Rahul, just basic background check and all that and it seems his friend's friend from US had called him that morning to tell him not to go ahead with the match! He had left that evening to confirm with Rajiv uncle, who had contacted the source in US, that it was indeed true.

"But Shalu maami said...", my mom began. Shaalu maami was her best friend at the temple and this match had come through her.

"Whatever Shaalu maami said, this boy has had American girl friends before and was considering marrying one."

"Chinese, dad...", I corrected him as if that minor detail was of the utmost importance. Viggy was trying hard not to laugh. He can be so frustrating at times!

"So anyway, Rajiv mama's friend in US has a daughter who knew the girl well, was her roommate for a year...it's a long story, but it looks like you have already made a decision, Radhika?"

"Yes dad. No more American grooms for me! And really, am not that much in a rush to get married. I have to focus on my career and...and my dancing, live life a bit, you know?" I stammered and Viggy watched open-mouthed.

Anyway, we all decided we needed to have ice-cream to celebrate the close escape except Viggy, he had my mom's filter coffee. Mom promised it would make his cold vanish within seconds.

~*~*~


That was six years back. A string of similar disasters followed the Rahul incident. For sometime, dad and mom decided not to look for any grooms. Instead, they took me to an astrologer. Besides making vague predictions about dark clouds and looming dangers, he suggested that we should not look too far for an answer. And he also said that we should wait a few years for all the planets to align themselves auspiciously for me to find my dream guy.

But then, I am 29 now and still looking. The only good thing is that I completed my arangetram, the graduation ceremony for my dance and am now studying under my Guru to be a dance teacher. I gave up my job at the museum, it was such a boring affair anyway! So far, it's turned out pretty good. Lalitha meanwhile married the guy who proposed to her a few years back at her company. Apparently, he had been the guy sending her all those secret messages and flowers. She was so flattered when she found out it was him. I mean, which girl doesn't like getting flowers and nice poems? Sigh, just not my turn yet, I guess.

Mom and dad tried their best to cheer me up. They still looked for suitable boys, Shaalu maami still came up with decent suggestions but somehow, it never worked out. I was never comfortable with the guys who came to see me, however hard I tried. Either I said the wrong thing or they did and it was all over too soon. The big news I guess is that I am turning thirty. Mom and dad wanted to celebrate my birthday with a small party and also the fact that I was now a qualified dance teacher at my school. They invited a few relatives, Shaalu maami and her circle of friends, some of my friends and of course Viggy over. Lallu had gone with her guy for her honeymoon to Kerala. Lucky girl!

After the cake cutting and birthday song, the adults started asking my parents the usual set of questions about my marriage. This bored my friends who found quick excuses to leave soon. Only Viggy was left behind.

"You know what? Let's go to the beach! It's so long since I've been there...and I really need to get out of here!"

So, Viggy, buddy and I went to the beach. We had sundal and settled down to talk about our future.

~*~*~

"That's quite an accomplishment, Radhika, you will make a great teacher..."

I smiled. Viggy always had this uncanny way of making me feel that it was ok to be me. I didn't have to pretend, to force myself to be quiet, or to try to impress. He liked me just for the way I was. I sighed happily and listened to him as he talked about how his parents were threatening to come down from Bombay if he didn't get married soon!

"Oh..." And suddenly that clammy sensation came back to my mouth, I needed to speak.

"So, what's the big deal? Get married!"

Viggy looked down, poured sand through his fingers and seemed lost in thought.

"Ok. I guess I need to at least for my parents...", he didn't look up to see me.

I suddenly had an urge to stare into his nice brown eyes, and then I would feel all nice and cozy, like always. But then, what if he gets married and moves away...what about the times when I really really need to be with him? I was losing my best friend to some awful woman who would probably be like Lily Chang. As these thoughts rushed through my head, my eyes started watering. Viggy was still lost in thought. Fortunately, my mouth spoke then,

"Not for your parents, you idiot! For you...and me. Marry me because we are crazy enough to keep each other happy. Forever."

And then there was that moment. Strangely it was like the moment the old gypsy woman made her prophecy. Everything seemed to stand still. Even the sand seemed to stop flowing from his fingers. A strange shadow seemed to fall all around us. I could have sworn I saw the shadow of those long ear lobes from more than a decade back. The shadow seemed to hover over us for a second and then it was gone! Perhaps, my curse was broken too! In any case, I didn't care, when Viggy was around it was like I always said the right things. He was the prince that the astrologer had said was not "too far" away.

"You know Radhika! You are one crazy girl. And I have been in love with you since the day I met you..."

The right words from the right person create the sort of magic that no amount of prophecies and dreams could create. This time, I know I am with the right guy. My mouth tells me I am.

~*~*~


***Excerpt***