Lakshmi writes.

Today you called. I willed the phone to ring a hundred times before it finally did.

You said, “Lakshmi, don’t worry about me, I am finally living a bachelor’s life”, you tried to make a joke of it but started wheezing through your laughter – another asthma attack?

“I will call next Saturday…take care amma.”

You always called me “amma”.

~~~***~~~

I just finished talking to you. Vinay and Sangeetha are out and Abhinav is sleeping soundly. If not for him, I would have left this alien country long back. I wonder how you manage with dal and curd rice everyday. I wish you would have hired a cook. What if you have an attack in the middle of the night? After all you are also nearing 70…look what you have done now. You have made me cry again.

~~~***~~~

Today I asked Vinay to buy a straw mat for me to sleep on. He gave me a room in the basement with one of those fancy soft beds. I hate it! I cannot sleep alone. You know that. Vinay is concerned that the child won’t learn to sleep on his own. What nonsense!
Vinay has changed so much in the past 10 years, how would he understand if I told him I needed to sleep in Abhinav’s room both for his sake and mine? The cold, air-conditioned, empty basement makes me feel…lonely.

~~~***~~~

Sangeetha took me out today to the beach. She is a nice girl, always polite and courteous. I wish she would spend more time at home though. It’s as if there is an invisible line that I cannot cross with her. Like the way she never calls me athai or amma. Our relationship had no name. Perhaps, there is no relationship to talk about. As long as Vinay is happy with her…

It’s half past eight in the night, you haven’t called still.

~~~***~~~

I am so glad you gave me your little Krishna photo to give me company in America. I have marked my return date in red in the little calendar behind it and kept it under my pillow. March 3rd. Two months and 7 more days before I return back to Chennai. To…our home. Abhinav will start daycare from March 1st. I wonder how he will manage without me. I wish you were here too to see your grandson…

~~~***~~~

Sundays are my favorite days. Sangeetha goes to the gym and is out till noon. Not that I want her away but Vinay is more relaxed and talks to me better when she is away. Now don’t say I am imagining things! Abhinav is very mischievous, he never lets me cook uthapams for Vinay, he keeps running around me and pulling my saree pallu. Sometimes, the child is the only reason I think I am able to manage here, away from…everything.

~~~***~~~

Not that my grandma posted any of the letters to my grandpa. I found them in a corner of my closet years later. After she was gone.