A broken image.

The scorching agninatchatram of Madras seemed to reflect the ravaging swirl of emotions that Madhu silently experienced, once in a while she would take it all out on her unsuspecting daughter or on her perplexed mother and would feel so bad she would suddenly hug her daughter and shower her with kisses or would lapse into long silences that worried her parents. Madhu felt she was far away from home; a sense of unreality shrouded her and she withdrew further into her own world.

Mr.Srinivasan worried greatly about his daughter though he tried not to express what he felt to his wife who was already upset about her increasily reclusive daughter and often resorted to an inconsolable stream of tears on Lakshmi maami's shoulders. After the beach incident, everytime Padma maami tried to talk to her daughter, Madhu would reply in monosyllables and would retire to her room with a suddenly developed headache. Padma maami took refuge in the playful antics of Swetha and would confide to whoever would listen about her daughter's problems.

Srikanth for his part tried to talk to Madhu a few times, partly because he wanted to help her and partly because his mother and Padma maami had hinted on more than one occasion that he should talk to her and more importantly get her to talk to him, to anyone. Madhu, although grateful for his continued attempts to make her feel better knew that she had to come to terms with her life without outside help and she refused to talk to Srikanth.

Mr.Srinivasan tried to talk to his daughter but was too sensitive to ignore her subtle hints - a feigned yawn, a sudden need to take a walk...alone, an unwillingness to talk freely as she had the other evening, he did not fail to notice her slightly swollen eyes, her unnatural cheerfulness when she played with Swetha and he spent many long nights sitting on his rocking cane chair, pretending to be immersed in a novel to avoid answering his wife's nightly enquiries about Madhu.

Padma maami accompanied Madhu on her visits to the gynaecologist, the same Doctor who had delivered Madhu herself. Five months into her pregnancy, on one such listless visit to the gynaecologist, Madhu stepped into an auto with her mother and wondered how to spend the next few hours peacefully, when everything else indicated otherwise. Till now, the pregnancy was something that was nothing more than a mild inconvenience to Madhu, she had too much on her mind - how would she would manage without her husband and bring up two children? Would she go back to America? Should she stay back in Madras, maybe get a part-time job and take care of her two kids? This particular picture had impressed itself in her mind, she with her two young girls - somehow the other child was always a girl, her concerns always bordered around how she would bring up her kids and not about her pregnancy itself.

"Padma, can you wait outside for a few minutes? I need to examine Madhu..."
Seeing the startled look on Padma maami's face, Dr.Anjali added, "Padma, just a few minutes, a routine check just to make sure...", her voice trailed uncertainly.

A few minutes later, the Doctor looked at the ultrasound images and a few statistics, by now Madhu had snapped back into reality and was beginning to feel a pang of anxiety...Dr.Anjali placed a hand on Madhu's shoulder and said in a small voice, "Madhu, I am sorry, the fetus...the baby stopped growing, this can happen in the fifth month sometimes, it will not affect your next pregnancy..."

Madhu stared at the Doctor and stopped hearing after a few minutes, she felt dizzy, she nodded uncomprehendingly and tears streamed down her cheeks, yet she felt no pain, just a numb sense of unreality. Her image of the two little girls running around her remained as strong as ever, probably etched forever in her memory. Padma maami for once displayed a sense of maturity that Madhu did not believe her mother was capable of - she heard the news silently from the Doctor and hugged her daughter tightly.